Reciprocal IVF is a fertility treatment that allows both partners in a same-sex female couple to share a biological and physical connection to their baby. One partner provides the eggs, while the other carries the pregnancy. It’s sometimes referred to as shared motherhood because it lets both people take part in the conception and pregnancy process.

For many lesbian couples, it’s one of several potential paths to parenthood — alongside options like intrauterine insemination (IUI), traditional IVF (where the same person provides the egg and carries), or adoption. For Christina and her wife Katie, reciprocal IVF felt like the path that most reflected their partnership.

“Katie said she wanted to carry my egg so we could both be part of the conception and pregnancy,” Christina recalled. “That’s the essence of shared motherhood.”

The first round: When Christmas morning turned into heartbreak

Christina and Katie first met in 2012 — “girl meets girl on a dating site,” as Christina put it. “My first workday ended with me bringing a milkshake to the park for our date, totally unsure of the chemistry. Then Katie showed up with flowers on my doorstep, and I knew this was forever.”

A year later, the two were married, and by 2015, they had bought their first house. It felt like the right time to start their family.

“Katie said she wanted to carry my egg so we could both be part of the conception and pregnancy,” Christina recalled. “That’s the essence of shared motherhood.” And so began their reciprocal IVF journey.

Their plan was to transfer two embryos — hoping for twins, but mainly wanting to increase their chances that at least one would take.

“When the medications arrived, it felt like Christmas morning,” Christina said. “I mapped out who had which injection and when. I did most of the stimulation shots to get my body ready for retrieval, while Katie did the uterine prep shots to get ready to carry.”

At the same time, the couple searched online for a sperm donor. “We wanted someone who looked like Katie, shared her interests — someone who felt right,” Christina explained. “It was harder than we thought.”

Retrieval day, however, was far from joyful. “The pain — intense cramping, sharp and unrelenting — was more than I expected,” Christina said. “Still, my mind was singularly focused on ‘Did we get eggs? Did they fertilize?’”

Later that day, Katie received a call from the embryologist. “They were opening the second vial of donor sperm because the first wasn’t fertilizing well,” Christina said. “My heart sank.”

The next morning brought more difficult news: out of 13 eggs retrieved, only two had survived. “They’d done rescue ICSI on the remaining ones,” Christina said. “The odds were low. We held on anyway. Then one embryo died. Then the last one. The phone calls came, and we broke down crying in each other’s arms.”

Afterward, they began researching embryo adoption as a possible next step. “But the costs and emotional toll were overwhelming,” Christina said. “We sat in the clinic waiting room surrounded by other couples who were smiling and hopeful. We weren’t.”

Then came a turning point. “When the nurse who knew us walked in, we both burst into tears,” she said. “That morning, we decided: no embryo adoption. We’d try IVF again.”

How much does reciprocal IVF cost? The hardest decision

Christina and Katie found themselves caught between logic and longing. “The path of shared motherhood still felt right in our bones,” Christina said, “but the numbers were impossible to ignore.”

Because they were a same-sex couple, they didn’t qualify as “infertile” under traditional insurance definitions, which typically mean twelve months of unprotected heterosexual intercourse. “That meant almost everything had to come out of pocket,” Christina explained.

According to U.S. estimates, one IVF cycle costs around $15,000 to $20,000 — and can climb above $30,000 once donor sperm, medications, or embryo freezing are added in. Prices vary by region and clinic, with additional procedures like ICSI, preimplantation testing, or extra monitoring increasing costs even more.

“For lesbian couples like us, there are often extra expenses — donor sperm, legal paperwork, and sometimes more frequent appointments,” Christina said. “By the time we added up medications, retrieval, lab work, embryo culture, transfer, and storage, the financial pressure was suffocating. But the emotional cost still outweighed them all.”

She recalled one particularly difficult moment: “That day in the clinic waiting room, surrounded by couples laughing and holding hands, we sat in silence. Our nurse, the same one who had guided us through our first failed round, walked in and saw our faces. We both broke down.”

Through tears, Christina said, they made their decision: “We’d try again. One more round of reciprocal IVF — for us, and for the family we still believed we could have.”

Reciprocal IVF success rates: What Christina learned

Before beginning their second round of reciprocal IVF, Christina and Katie immersed themselves in research. “We buried ourselves in blogs, forums, and every fertility story we could find,” Christina said. “We wanted to understand what the odds really were — because shared motherhood means both partners are emotionally invested, but you still want realistic expectations.”

From what they learned, the success rates for reciprocal IVF among lesbian couples are generally comparable to traditional IVF, provided key factors such as age, egg quality, uterine health, and sperm quality are favorable.

According to data from U.S. fertility centres, live birth rates per transfer are around:

  • 41–43% for patients under 35
  • 33–36% for ages 35–37
  • 23–27% for ages 38–40
  • 13–18% for those over 40

Studies focused on donor-egg or recipient cycles — processes similar to reciprocal IVF — suggest cumulative live birth rates can reach 46% per transfer and up to 73% per cycle in well-selected cases.

“The data can be murky,” Christina noted. “Many clinics combine statistics from all IVF types, and lesbian couples often start treatment without an infertility diagnosis, so their outcomes might look slightly better overall.”

Still, Christina acknowledged, “There are no guarantees. The egg provider’s age plays a huge role, the carrier’s uterine health matters, and sperm quality can make or break a cycle. Even when everything looks perfect on paper, IVF can still throw curveballs.”

Reflecting on their first failed round, Christina said, “We knew it hadn’t gone well. So for round two, we tweaked everything we could — our donor choice, timing, and mindset. We couldn’t control the science, but we could control how we showed up for it.”

The second attempt: 18 eggs and new hope

Round two of reciprocal IVF felt different for Christina and Katie — this time marked by cautious optimism. “We refined our plans and revisited our sperm donor information,” Christina said. “From three finalists, we dug deep — success rates from the bank, donor age at donation, how many offspring already existed, any complaints or red flags. Better donor, better odds.”

They repeated the same injection protocols: Christina handled the stimulation shots, and Katie focused on the uterine preparation. “Retrieval day came,” Christina recalled. “Yes, the pain returned, but this time there was less uncertainty. We held our breath while waiting.”

The following morning brought news they’d been longing to hear. “The embryologist’s voice was the best we’d heard,” Christina said. “18 eggs retrieved — 9 fertilized via ICSI that same day, and 9 left for regular fertilization. In the end, 11 embryos were successfully created, and 2 were grade A. Huge relief.”

Transfer day was filled with hope. “We carried our little ‘embryo photo,’” Christina said. “The flutter of the ultrasound catheter, the monitor flicker, the feeling — this is happening. Our shared motherhood dream held two flickers of light inside Katie.”

Reciprocal IVF twins: The dream and the loss

In the world of shared motherhood, many couples choose to transfer two embryos — sometimes in hopes of twins, and sometimes simply to improve their chances of success. While medical guidelines often recommend single-embryo transfer, particularly for patients under 35, Christina and Katie made their own decision based on their hopes and circumstances.

“We did two, and we felt the hope of twins,” Christina said. “But then came the morning panic — Katie in the bathroom bleeding, me cleaning the floor. The drive to the clinic felt eternal.”

The ultrasound brought mixed emotions. “It showed one heartbeat — relief,” Christina remembered. “But a massive blood clot sitting next to the baby brought fear. We stayed on edge.”

As the pregnancy progressed, the couple eventually transitioned from fertility care to standard OB management. Still, the anxiety lingered. “The constant worry never disappeared,” Christina said. “We tiptoed through the pregnancy, avoiding big celebrations, still holding our breath. The clot stayed stable, and our baby kept growing.”

Their daughter, Kennedy, was born via C-section after remaining breech. “I’ll never forget seeing her for the first time — tiny, perfect, ours,” Christina said. “The embryo in the dish had become real life. Suddenly, the needles, the dashed hopes, the money, the heartbreak — they all melted into gratitude. Kennedy was everything.”

Feeling Kennedy kick: A moment Christina will never forget

For Christina, it was the small moments that became profound. “I can still feel the first time I watched Katie’s belly roll and a tiny kick ripple beneath her skin,” she said. “My eyes filled with tears. A baby we both created through science was in there, alive and real.”

When their daughter Kennedy was born, time seemed to stand still. “I looked at her fingers, her weight, her perfect face,” Christina said. “The clinic bills and sleepless nights became distant memories. She was here because we dared, because we believed in shared motherhood, because two women said ‘yes’ and ‘we’ll try again.’”

Parenthood came quickly, bringing both chaos and joy. “We worried about her sleep, her car seat, her weight gain,” Christina said. “But we also laughed at her first smile, her curiosity, the way Katie sang lullabies. Being two moms doubled the love and the logistics. Worry became permanent, but so did wonder.”

Life as two moms

For Christina and Katie, the shift from patient to mom was life-changing. “We went from tracking meds and cycles to tracking diaper counts and milestones,” Christina said. “We spent nights whispering, ‘Did she breathe? Did she grow enough? Does she need more books?’ Because you never stop wondering as a parent.”

They also made sure to celebrate the little wins. “Her first steps, her first word — ‘Mama’ from both of us — felt monumental,” Christina said. “We marveled at the fact that two women could build a family together, each of us having played such different but vital roles. No two stories are the same, but ours feels uniquely ours.”

Round three: Charlotte's complicated journey

Christina and Katie knew they wanted to grow their family. “We decided we wanted more than one child,” Christina said. Their second journey — this time for their daughter Charlotte, now one year old — began with one of the frozen embryos created during their earlier IVF cycle. “Easier, we thought,” she recalled.

Transfer day brought its own set of nerves. “Katie arrived with a full bladder, the clinic was running behind, and everyone was on edge,” Christina said. The embryo was implanted successfully, and soon after, they received the long-awaited call: You’re pregnant. “We screamed, we hugged,” she said. “Then another call came — the beta hCG number didn’t double. Risk of miscarriage or ectopic. Terrified, heartbroken, waiting.”

Relief came days later. “Then came the ultrasound,” Christina said. “A flicker. A heartbeat. ‘This little one’s a fighter,’ the doctor said.” Weeks passed, and this pregnancy proved harder than the first. “Katie was sicker this time — morning sickness all day,” Christina said. “We assumed boy.” But the gender reveal told a different story: pink smoke bombs filled the air. “Another girl,” she smiled.

“Now our girls share clothes, a room, and toys — two little souls born from one journey of shared motherhood, one path of reciprocal IVF for lesbian couples,” Christina said. “We know the next chapter will have its own twists, but we’d do it all again.”

What getting pregnant taught them

For Christina, fertility treatment was as transformative as it was emotional. “Fertility treatment taught us that the journey is an emotional roller coaster — high peaks of hope, deep lows of fear — but worth every moment,” she said.

Christina found strength in holding onto a vision of what could be. “I found comfort in telling myself, ‘One day it will happen,’” she said. “I imagined our kids’ faces, their laughter, our family photos. That vision kept me going.”

Looking back, the challenges feel almost distant compared to what they gained. “We spent thousands of dollars, dozens of needles, countless tears,” Christina said. “But once the girls were in our arms, the money became just a number. Not the story. The story was them.”

To other lesbian couples considering their own paths to parenthood — whether through IUI, adoption, traditional IVF, or reciprocal IVF — Christina offers perspective. “There’s no one right way,” she said. “Shared motherhood through reciprocal IVF offers something unique. Both partners get to contribute, to feel part of the creation. But it also demands patience, strength, and teamwork.”

Advice for other lesbian couples considering reciprocal IVF

Through reciprocal IVF, Christina and Katie learned how vital communication, research, and emotional support can be.

“If we hadn’t tried again after the first round, Kennedy and Charlotte wouldn’t be here,” Christina said. “I’m so grateful for science, for each other, for choosing this path.”

For couples considering shared motherhood, Christina offers this advice:

  • Choose a clinic that welcomes you: Inclusive, affirming, experienced.
  • Decide roles early: Who’ll provide eggs, who’ll carry? Do age and egg-reserve checks.
  • Examine costs realistically: Ask for full breakdown.
  • Research your sperm donor: This impacts your genetic edge.
  • Know success rates: But remember each journey is unique.
  • Support each other: Shared motherhood means two women grieving, hoping, growing together.
  • Manage expectations: Two embryos may raise twin-dreams but also twin-risks.
  • Celebrate every milestone: The injections, the retrievals, the transfer sessions — it’s all part of your story.

Reciprocal IVF gave Christina and Katie a family built on love, science, and perseverance.

“Reciprocal IVF made our dreams a reality,” Christina said. “And if you’re reading this, maybe it can for you too.”

Want to understand the technical and medical details of how reciprocal IVF works? Read our complete guide to the reciprocal IVF process.

Christina Bailey and her wife, Katie, are a girl-meets-girl love story! They have two daughters, Kennedy and Charlotte. To sum up their life together so far: they fell in love, got married, and now have two children via reciprocal IVF. Their family is still growing, but for now, they are enjoying their time as a family of four.